Great Expectations

The other day, I had one of those rare epiphany moments that requires me to blog.  I hope my experience impacts you as much as it did me.

It all began last week when Cindy surprised me by bringing home “something special for Mark,” this time it was a wonderful bag of plums, which she knows I really love.

The plums were a bit hard and needed to ripen up, and so–as is our custom– she put them in the fruit basket by the kitchen sink.  In just a few days they would be perfect for eating!  I could hardly wait.

A few days later, I was up just before dawn and went into the kitchen to grab some breakfast.  In the dimness of the morning light, my eye set itself upon the basket and I suddenly remembered:  Plums!

I grabbed one and gave it a little squeeze to be sure it wasn’t hard.  It wasn’t!  Joy!  It was soft, perhaps a little too soft.  But no matter.   The sweet plum was soon to prove worth waiting for!  It felt so good in my hand, which I raised with anticipation to my salivating lips.  Standing in front of the kitchen window, looking out at the cresting sun, I took a giant bite…

And then I gagged.  It was the most DISGUSTING thing I’d ever eaten.  It tasted rancid, not at all sweet.  I spewed it out of my mouth and into the sink’s garbage disposer, which–conveniently–was directly in front of me.

[Now those of you who know me, know that I don’t gag easily.  I won many an “iron gut” competition in my day.  As a youth pastor and world traveler, I’ve put my taste buds to the test.  I’ve downed whole bottles of Tabasco sauce and lemon juice (together!) and have eaten pig intestines, cow eyeballs, 1000 year old eggs, live bee larvae, stinky tofu, durian, pigeon heads, roasted rat, and other cuts of meat which I hesitate to name publicly.  They weren’t all pleasant, but I’m proud to say I kept them all down.  So for this plum to make me convulse and instantly spit it out, shows how utterly repulsive it tasted.]

So here I was bent double at the kitchen sink, gagging and spitting all the rancid fruit from my mouth, all the while still holding the wretched fruit in my hand.   And then my eye gazed upward.  I looked at my hand–with the sunlight streaming in from the window–I suddenly saw that I was holding…

…a tomato.

In an instant, my nausea completely disappeared.  What a moment ago had tasted putrid and disgusting, suddenly tasted delicious.  It was a wonderful tomato from my garden (I had planted some special purple ones this year, about plum sized as you can see by the picture above).

I finished the tomato with great delight, sorry that I had spit out that first giant bite.

And that’s when I had my epiphany.  Within just a few seconds, I had run the full range of emotions from utter disgust to elated delight.  What made the difference?  The fruit was the same, my taste buds were the same; the only thing that had changed were my expectations.

This is a perfect example of what in the counseling world is called CBT (cognitive behavioral therapy): the idea that thoughts, perceptions, and expectations dramatically influence feelings, emotions and behaviors.

The lesson is this:  if our expectations don’t line up with reality or truth, we are at risk of having adverse negative feelings and emotions like I did with my “plum.”  Even my bodily reactions (gag reflex) were brought on by my false expectations.

Looking at it the other way may also be helpful:  if I find myself experiencing adverse negative emotions, reactions, and bodily sensations, I would be wise to check to make sure my expectations, perceptions, and thoughts are based on truth.