We are half-way through Lent and the experience so farÂ has revealed my true laziness, selfishness, and depravity: all of which have ironicly helped me grow spiritually in spite of myself.
I wanted Lent to be a profound experience, so I purposely gave up things that were costly to me (some sleep, unnecessary food & snacks, preoccupation with a certain thing) and I added on some extra disciplines (extended quiet times, some fasting, etc).Â Â
For the first couple of weeks it was fantastic!Â I was faithful and really seeing God at work in my life.Â I had some of the best quiet times in years.Â But then somehow I lost my motivation.Â I got a little sick and a little busy and I began to compromise on my goals little by little.Â And then all of a sudden i realized that i was right back at the same place i was before Lent.
The whole experience has made me appreciate Jesus so much more.Â He made an extremely hard commitment and He stuck to it without any compromising whatsoever.Â Even when offered the gall to anesthetize the pain of crucifixion He refused–experiencing the full wrath of both God and man. Â He went all the way for us.Â Even though it was brutally inconvenient and uncomfortable he followed through on what He said He would do.Â
It’s a good thingÂ the Savior was Him instead of me or we’d all be doomed.
Am I beating myself up for being a compromiser?Â Not really.Â Once again I’ve experienced the forgiveness of a loving Father.Â Â And I know that apart from Him I can do nothing anyways.Â
But I would like to make this second half of Lent one thatÂ is characterized more by sacrifice than indulgence.Â I think that maybe my original goals were set “for me” and that I’d be keeping the spirit of Lent more purely if I doÂ them for JesusÂ Himself (as a small returnÂ forÂ HisÂ HUGE gift).Â Perhaps this change inÂ motivation will help meÂ remainÂ more faithful.Â I’m hoping so.